“You are fettered,” said Scrooge, trembling. “Tell me why?”
“I wear the chain that I forged in life,” replied the Ghost. “I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.”
—Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
This past week, we, like many others, celebrated Halloween.
In our family tradition, Halloween consists of some light decorating, a quick round of trick-or-treating, and getting down to the serious business of passing out candy to the many trick-or-treaters who come to our neighborhood. My favorite part of the evening is when we crank up the volume and play our latest and greatest Halloween playlist.
An Unexpected Encounter
However, in making this year’s playlist, I encountered some ghosts of my own.
I fell down a Spotify rabbit hole and found songs from my youth that I hadn’t heard in a while (e.g. First of the Month and Notorious Thugs). It’s been over twenty years, but a familiar feeling overcame me as I took in the sounds.
At first, I felt a sense of mirth, similar to the moment when you recognize someone on the street who you haven’t seen in years. I sought out “clean” versions, hoping to find something appropriate enough for young audiences. But, as I listened to the lyrics, I had to remind myself, yet again, that the catchy beats and lyricism we consumed so eagerly were not safe for consumption.
Enchanted
Like targeted pesticides, this music targeted communities like the one in which I grew up. We learned every word. We blasted the music from our stereos, diligently sat by the radio to record our favorite songs. Savoring every morsel, we didn’t realize the subtle effects of the poison we ingested.
With it came a peculiar form of amnesia, an enchantment like one the Queen of the Underworld casts upon the knight in C.S. Lewis’ The Silver Chair—during the day, the knight cannot remember his identity and behaves foolishly.
Likewise, we forgot who we were, who God made us to be. Instead of His image, we took on the roles of pimps, hoes, criminals, drug dealers. We used a variety of things—drugs, alcohol, sex, food, rage, etc.—to dull the pain within. The pain was our Father’s way of letting us know we had gone too far, that we were in enemy territory. We were unwilling to turn back, however—our enchantment was such that we believed Him the true enemy.
Thus, we willingly forfeited our hard fought freedom to “forge our chains, link by link, yard by yard.” Some of those chains were figurative, others were literal.
Old Testament Time
Of course, this strategy wasn’t new. Consider, 2 Kings 18:28-35 (NRSV):
“Then the Rabshakeh stood and called out in a loud voice in the language of Judah, “Hear the word of the great king, the king of Assyria! Thus says the king: ‘Do not let Hezekiah deceive you, for he will not be able to deliver you out of my hand.
Do not let Hezekiah make you rely on the Lord by saying, The Lord will surely deliver us, and this city will not be given in the hand of the king of Assyria.’ Do not listen to Hezekiah; for thus says the king of Assyria:
‘Make your peace with me and come out to me; then every one of you will eat from your own vine and your own fig tree, and drink water from your own cistern, until I come and take you away to a land like your own land, a land of grain and wine, a land of bread and vineyards, a land of olive oil and honey, that you may live and not die. Do not listen to Hezekiah when he misleads you by saying, The Lord will deliver us….
Who among all the gods of the countries have delivered their countries out of my hand, that the Lord should deliver Jerusalem out of my hand?” (emphasis added).
In that story, the people didn’t take the bait.
That isn’t my story. As I’ve shared before, it is only a miracle I am here today.
An Ending
I grieve that I cannot fully embrace these memories and share with my children the part of my childhood that celebrated this music, lest they fall prey to the same madness, for that is what it was/still is.
But, I can rejoice and give thanks for amazing grace.
