I have been listening (via audiobook) to what members of Alcoholics Anonymous often refer to as the Big Book and what is properly titled Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition.
Since starting the book, crying in my car has become a regular occurrence as I listen to the accounts of men and women who stood upon a precipice over which certain death awaited. Miraculously, they lived, found a way to enjoy living, and went on to save others like them. It astounds me to consider it.
The “G” Word
In Anonymous Number Three—one of the first personal stories in the book—the author remembers AA co-founder Bill W. saying to Number Three’s wife “the Lord has been so wonderful to me, curing me of this terrible disease, that I just keep talking about it and telling people.”1 God’s essential role in finding relief from the disease of alcoholism was and still is hard for many prospective members to swallow.
In more than one story—forced to participate against their own will as a young person—the member had sworn off church and religion. Others, still, were agnostic or atheist from the beginning.
In all cases, however, the members describe the necessity of finding a meaningful relationship with a Higher Power through the twelve steps.
My Own Story
My own “symptoms” do not present themselves as an uncontrollable desire to drink, yet I recognize the underlying neurosis very well. Thus, I find I can relate.
Another shared experience is that I, too, found that I needed more than mere church attendance to find a relationship with God. In the end, it was a collection of my own near—spiritual and physical—death experiences and my own twelve step journey.
Prior to that, I spent many years on my own merry-go-round: coping with self-created misery the only way I knew how and praying for an end—i.e. finding the right formula that would impel God to do what I wanted.
I can see, now, how wrong I was, and I’m grateful for the many miracles that brought me back from the edge of my own precipice.
Angels in the AA Meeting
The AA pioneers took seriously the business of passing on the message to others and met weekly to accommodate newcomers. When hearing of the joy the early members felt as they brought the good news to their fellows and of the men, women, and families who found the Divine help they so sorely needed, I can’t help but envision God’s angels being embodied therein.
Raising the Dead & Frank Sinatra
In Matthew, Jesus commands the disciples to “[c]ure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons.” He further commands them to do it freely, for they had “received without payment.” (Matthew 10:8, NRSV).
Here’s what I know. I turned my life over to the care of God (as I have found Him to be), and my life changed. I have experienced peace and joy in way that I could never have imagined, and, instead of wishing for death, I thank God for each breath and heartbeat.
Inside and outside of the Big Book, I have seen recoveries even greater than my own. I’ve also seen others, still, who have suffered and continue to suffer when they aren’t willing to give up doing it their way (sorry, Frank).
With that said, it is our undeniable right to do it—life—our way, and, paradoxically, it is the only way we can arrive at a desperation so great we are willing to accept God’s help.
Home Safe
There is a passage in one of the personal stories that offers a different interpretation of salvation. The author notes that the Greek word for salvation (Soteria) can also mean a safe return home. When I heard this I thought of the Prodigal Son as he returned to his father’s home.
Much like the Prodigal Son of the parable, I, too, feel as if I stumbled home to find a Divine Love that welcomed me in a celebratory embrace, restored my spirit, and held me close. I believe the invitation is there for us all if we will take it.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, Third Edition 191 (Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. 1976)(1939). ↩︎
